I've had sleeping issues for a looooooong time -even as a baby my parents had a LOT of trouble getting me to sleep, and for whatever reason, things started to get worse in the sleep area from highschool onwards.
I've had some odd things happen like waking up in my wardrobe, being aware that I was sitting up in bed and talking to myself -but not being able to do anything, and once my mother found me asleep with my eyes open and thought something had happened to me haha I remember being very annoyed -I was asleep after all!
I have ups and downs with my sleep. I have patches that may last for days, weeks, or months where I won't be able to sleep at all during "normal" sleep hours. I might not be able to sleep till 8am the next day. Till 1pm the next day, I might not sleep for two days. For three days. I might then get say five hours sleep, and then not sleep for another two days. And then I also have patches where I will barely be able to stay awake -or sometimes I won't be able to stay awake at all, constantly falling asleep no matter what I'm doing.
Either patch is very annoying and not exactly convenient or ideal!
In the past I have tried several different presciption sleeping pills -the most recent one was zopiclone. I have heard from a lot of people that it works well for them, but I hated it.
None of the pills worked out well for me. Most worked for a couple of weeks then stopped working. All of them worked a little.. too well? A couple worked far more than called for.
All of them left me feeling groggy and grumpy the next day, a couple made me feel horrible and out of it 24/7. I have patches of time I barely remember because I was just in and out of sleep all day. One second I'd be sorta there, the next I'd be completely gone again.
I tried that cherry melatonin drink, and it was ok, but it didn't work for very long, and it left me feeling groggy.
The best thing I have tried was Bach's Rescue Remedy Sleep. You put a few drops on your tongue before you go to bed -easy! It worked the longest, and the best, giving me slightly easier sleep, and not feeling any adverse effects in the morning.
Unfortunately though, that started to not work too.
With my sleeping habits getting worse, I was getting pretty desperate to find something to help me.
And yes, I have done sleep exercises. I've tried all that I've been told to. And none of them work for me. Breathing exercises. Physical exercises. Mental exercises. Meditation. Get up and have a warm shower. Get up and have a drink. Get up and do something until you're sleepy again.
I have a very active mind and it's all well and good for a doctor to say "just clear your mind" but obviously they don't understand that for some of us it just does not happen.
I am often tired, but not sleepy. This is something that I have a hard time explaining to people -that you can be tired, exhausted even, but not sleepy. And that's the thing you need. You get sleepy before you sleep. But what if you don't? It's very hard to get to sleep without first being sleepy.
So along came ads for Clinicians REM Sleep. I didn't think much of it at first, thinking that it was a prescription pill, and I didn't really want to go there again! Once I learnt that it was "herbal" I decided to take a closer look at it.
The reviews I found were positive, so I decided to go and see if I could afford some.
At $36.50 I couldn't! You get about a month's supply depending on how much you use, and while it works out to about $1.20 a day, which isn't too bad, I don't exactly have the money to afford that kind of outlay!
I found it for about $30 on our country's local version of something like ebay, and made the note to save up so I could get some.
Over the last few weeks I've been getting back into what I call "my insomnia cycle".
One day I had crawled into bed feeling very unwell at somewhere around 5pm, and shortly after my flatmate came home from work, came in, and handed me a bottle of Clinicians REM Sleep.
He had been so concerned that he had gone and bought it for me. I told him he was naughty and that the website had it for cheaper haha but I was very grateful.
I haven't been taking it for particularly long but so far clinicians REM sleep seems to be doing an ok job!
I've been feeling sleepy a lot this week but I'm not sure if it's because of the supplement or just because I'm sick (maybe both?)
I've definitely found it a lot easier to get to sleep!
I have been nodding off within twenty minutes of getting into bed instead of being awake for hours, and while I still wake up throughout the night, I fall back asleep within 10 minutes!
I wake up still feeling a little sleepy/tired but not groggy like what you get with prescription sleeping pills -it's not too bad.
So for now I will definitely be sticking with this product!
If you have a lot of trouble sleeping and have either not had much success with prescription pills, or want to try a more "natural" remedy, I do suggest trying this product out, as well as trying out Rescue Remedy Sleep (not together though!).
With everything, please talk to your doctor or pharmacist before you take something like this though, as there are certain medications that can interact negatively with them, or your doctor may want to try something else first.
You cannot take Clinicians REM Sleep if you are taking antidepressants.
I hope this helps some of you out there to get some decent sleep!
~^_^~
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Why Do You Devalue Yourself?
If you're a human, chances are you've dealt with some self image and self worth issues in your life.
We all go through it, and most of us will hide it from the people around us. Most of us will try to be certain people for other people instead of being ourselves because we feel we are worth more to these people how they want us to be, than if we were ourselves.
Now, for a long time I had a lot of trouble understanding why people were like this. Why they undervalued themselves so much that they were willing to put away who they were and be what someone else wanted them to be.
This was probably the reason I didn't feel particularly pressured by my peers in school, and why I still don't.
In highschool I thought there were girls that didn't like me for a certain reason, but I didn't care, it was just how it was. I later on found out something like they did like me but I was a bit "weird" and quiet and they didn't know how to approach me. I was suprised whenever a peer praised me in school, I didn't understand why they cared about me, and it wasn't important that they did. I was confused by it.
Though, it's a little more complicated than just that because things like doing well in school.. well it was something I had to do. It was expected of me. It wasn't an accomplishment. It was just like bathing or eating. It was part of my life. Bad things would happen if I achieved, worse things would happen if I didn't. Getting high marks didn't earn me praise from my family. One memory that will probably be etched forever was when I got the highest mark you can get on two different tests in one day in one class. I asked my teacher if I could take them home to show my parents, I thought this time I had two so close together, and my work was so good, even the teacher was really impressed, this time they will be happy. This time they will tell me they are proud of me. That I did a good job. Instead I was yelled at. Asked if I could get them like that, why couldn't I get them more often? I was brought up to believe that achieving in life was my responsibility. So I did not understand why this girl was telling me what I wrote was really good and she loved it, and that I should be a writer.
But once I realised that what I was trying to do with my relatives was what most people try to do with the people around them, I started to understand a little bit more.... but not fully.
I've had to train myself to accept compliments, and I am still a little awkward with it.
Everybody can do it, but you've got to stop superficially accepting them, and start to truly accept them.
I think the only time I've truly felt pressured to "fit in" was when I was about 16 I think and going to the school formal with my then boyfriend. I had seen my friends go to school dances, I had never really been interested in them before. But I had seen all the pretty dresses. I did a friend's makeup ..and hair? for a formal earlier that year I think it was.. while I had done her up for free, she had got a nice dress that was near $300!
I had never had a really pretty dress. Since my great grandfather died I hadn't had anybody that had wanted to buy me a really pretty dress.
Obviously I couldn't afford that much, and I wasn't really comfortable spending a lot of money on an over the top dress that I would probably only wear once! I ended up getting a dress from Pagani that was $45 -down from almost $200! And I did look really pretty in it. I looked like a princess. And I loved it. I didn't care that there were all these "popular girls" in garments that barely came to their knees and looked thin enough to be nightwear, I didn't care that some girls looked at me with that snobbish glance as I walked past. Calling me "your highness" sarcastically. Damn right, I was royalty that night!
There are many times that I wish I could just be "normal" -by that I mean that I wish my body and mind would do what they're apparently supposed to instead of taking the rule book and tearing it up. I often think this out of sheer exhaustion from having to deal with everything all the time. Those close to me have come to realise I have an extraordinary amount of weird or unfortunate crap going on at any given time. I don't know what kind of person I would be though if I were "normal" and if my life had been somewhat "normal" or "low key". I wonder if I would be somebody I would like? I wonder if I would care? haha
People seem to be suprised when they hear what I think of myself. They seem to be suprised that I'm so positive about myself -usually because they know a lot of what's gone on in my life, and I reckon it would be pretty understandable for someone to feel pretty crap about that sort of stuff.
People seem to be suprised when they learn that I think I'm beautiful, or that I think I'm better looking that a lot of people haha
Why though? Why can't I be happy with myself? Why can't I think I'm awesome and pretty?
What, just cause I'm a little (a lot) messed up, sick all the time, not a size ten... that means I can't like myself?
Why not? I don't understand. Is there some law I don't know about stating that I have to have bugger all self worth?
I'll tell you something for nothing (one day I will find out a way to charge you all for my wisdom... just kidding)
There are over 7 billion people on this earth now. And you know what? A big chunk of them are old enough to put you down and ignore your true worth.
Why the fuck are you doing it to yourself? Everybody else is going to do it for you. You don't need to. You can take a break.
On top of that, why do people try to make other people do it to themselves?
For someone who loathes most people on this pointless orb, I have a hell of a lot of patience for people. Some days I have close to zero. Some days I am that person in the supermarket who loudly and tiredly says "oh, that's ok, just stand in the way of everybody."
Most days I try so damn hard to be patient and understanding. Most days I end up wondering why I bothered!
There are too many people who think it's ok to criticise others with false statements but it's not ok for others to criticise them with facts.
Now, sometimes I can be a bit of a bitch. I know that, I'm not stupid, and you know what? I usually make sure to let people know early on. Can't say I didn't warn you!
If I am genuinely being a prize princess knobhead, and someone tells me I am, fine. Well they're not wrong are they?
However, when someone goes out of their way to make people think I did something when I didn't, that I'm something I'm not, that's when I get really pissed off.
What is your problem that you have to try and drag somebody down with lies? Do you feel pleased with yourself afterwards? Did you achieve what you had in mind?
I've seen so much of this go on. It started more in highschool, and it seems like the highschool social environment sticks around from then on.
Calling a virgin girl "frigid" and making crude comments towards her to do with sexual things. Telling her that you're going to get your guy friends to come show her a good time, that they'll "fix" her. Wtf is wrong with you? Why do you need to say things like that?
I stood up for the girl and got called frigid too. I didn't care, but I saw she did, and she even apologised to me for them having a go at me. Like it was her fault. It wasn't.
Calling someone a bitch and saying they spread rumours, or that they said blah about whatever person -you do this solely to get others to give them crap. You do it with the intent of bringing them down.
Why? Is that really going to make anything better?
I bet just reading this you've thought of several situations that were similar.
So if there are all those people out there that are keen to do it, and you don't like it when they do it, why is it ok for you to do it to yourself?
My life, my body, and my mind have never gone by the book.
Trying to be somebody you're really not for someone is tiring isn't it? Constantly trying to please my relatives emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted me. While I had largely stopped trying because I knew things weren't going to change, there was still a part of me that hoped that maybe one day they would change. That they would praise me for what I've achieved. Recognise all the things I've done.
Until recently.
There's a difference between knowing and thinking/feeling things.
I knew they would never change. But I thought that maybe one day they would.
I had to stop listening to my thoughts, putting a good or bad label on them, and I had to start listening to what I know, and reeling the thoughts in as just thoughts.
It's not something that will just change overnight. And it's not something that will be ...completely different either (in my experience anyway). I used to self harm. I used to be suicidal. Even now sometimes I do think so many things would be easier if I just weren't here, if I just didn't have to deal with them.
But you know what? Thinking that isn't a bad thing. It's not a bad thought. It's not a good thought. It's just a thought.
Now what about your thoughts? Do you think you're fat? Ugly? Stupid? Weird? That nobody will love you? That you're not good enough?
You probably *know* you're not any of those things deep down.
I, myself, am fat, and I'm actually ok with it. I am healthy though -by that I mean that I eat healthy food and my weight does not affect my health negatively- and that's good enough for me!
When I was a kid my father used to say to (yell things at) me like "don't you want to change to make people like you?! Don't the other kids at school bully you?! Don't they call you fat?!"
In fact, no, they didn't. I can only recall one time I was properly bullied when I was about eleven. Bullied at school that is. It was quite common for me to be bullied within my "family".
My father was the negative voice in my life. The voice trying to bring me down. Once I got him out of my life, I felt so much better.
He and his voice and attitude were very real. Your negative voice is real too -but in a different way.
Just because it's inside you instead of outside doesn't mean you can't get rid of it. Your negative voice came from somewhere. From something or someone. From who? From what? From where? And why?
Once you figure out those things it'll be much easier to deal with. You will have to focus more on what you know about it. That person -what did they ever do for you anyway really? Is it really good to keep this ideal?
And don't just say "I don't know". You're selling yourself short again. Really think about it. You may not realise at first. It may take some time to get to the bottom of it. But as long as you keep digging, you can find the answer, and over time you can subdue that negative voice living rent free in your head.
I think I'm awesome, and if you don't, that is not my problem. You're missing out on all the awesome that is me! Yeah, sometimes you have to put up with a bit of what the hell, but I reckon it's worth it!
You are beautiful, you are smart, you are "good enough", and there are people out there who love you!
Don't let anybody or yourself tell you otherwise!
~^_^~
We all go through it, and most of us will hide it from the people around us. Most of us will try to be certain people for other people instead of being ourselves because we feel we are worth more to these people how they want us to be, than if we were ourselves.
Now, for a long time I had a lot of trouble understanding why people were like this. Why they undervalued themselves so much that they were willing to put away who they were and be what someone else wanted them to be.
This was probably the reason I didn't feel particularly pressured by my peers in school, and why I still don't.
In highschool I thought there were girls that didn't like me for a certain reason, but I didn't care, it was just how it was. I later on found out something like they did like me but I was a bit "weird" and quiet and they didn't know how to approach me. I was suprised whenever a peer praised me in school, I didn't understand why they cared about me, and it wasn't important that they did. I was confused by it.
Though, it's a little more complicated than just that because things like doing well in school.. well it was something I had to do. It was expected of me. It wasn't an accomplishment. It was just like bathing or eating. It was part of my life. Bad things would happen if I achieved, worse things would happen if I didn't. Getting high marks didn't earn me praise from my family. One memory that will probably be etched forever was when I got the highest mark you can get on two different tests in one day in one class. I asked my teacher if I could take them home to show my parents, I thought this time I had two so close together, and my work was so good, even the teacher was really impressed, this time they will be happy. This time they will tell me they are proud of me. That I did a good job. Instead I was yelled at. Asked if I could get them like that, why couldn't I get them more often? I was brought up to believe that achieving in life was my responsibility. So I did not understand why this girl was telling me what I wrote was really good and she loved it, and that I should be a writer.
But once I realised that what I was trying to do with my relatives was what most people try to do with the people around them, I started to understand a little bit more.... but not fully.
I've had to train myself to accept compliments, and I am still a little awkward with it.
Everybody can do it, but you've got to stop superficially accepting them, and start to truly accept them.
I think the only time I've truly felt pressured to "fit in" was when I was about 16 I think and going to the school formal with my then boyfriend. I had seen my friends go to school dances, I had never really been interested in them before. But I had seen all the pretty dresses. I did a friend's makeup ..and hair? for a formal earlier that year I think it was.. while I had done her up for free, she had got a nice dress that was near $300!
I had never had a really pretty dress. Since my great grandfather died I hadn't had anybody that had wanted to buy me a really pretty dress.
Obviously I couldn't afford that much, and I wasn't really comfortable spending a lot of money on an over the top dress that I would probably only wear once! I ended up getting a dress from Pagani that was $45 -down from almost $200! And I did look really pretty in it. I looked like a princess. And I loved it. I didn't care that there were all these "popular girls" in garments that barely came to their knees and looked thin enough to be nightwear, I didn't care that some girls looked at me with that snobbish glance as I walked past. Calling me "your highness" sarcastically. Damn right, I was royalty that night!
There are many times that I wish I could just be "normal" -by that I mean that I wish my body and mind would do what they're apparently supposed to instead of taking the rule book and tearing it up. I often think this out of sheer exhaustion from having to deal with everything all the time. Those close to me have come to realise I have an extraordinary amount of weird or unfortunate crap going on at any given time. I don't know what kind of person I would be though if I were "normal" and if my life had been somewhat "normal" or "low key". I wonder if I would be somebody I would like? I wonder if I would care? haha
People seem to be suprised when they hear what I think of myself. They seem to be suprised that I'm so positive about myself -usually because they know a lot of what's gone on in my life, and I reckon it would be pretty understandable for someone to feel pretty crap about that sort of stuff.
People seem to be suprised when they learn that I think I'm beautiful, or that I think I'm better looking that a lot of people haha
Why though? Why can't I be happy with myself? Why can't I think I'm awesome and pretty?
What, just cause I'm a little (a lot) messed up, sick all the time, not a size ten... that means I can't like myself?
Why not? I don't understand. Is there some law I don't know about stating that I have to have bugger all self worth?
I'll tell you something for nothing (one day I will find out a way to charge you all for my wisdom... just kidding)
There are over 7 billion people on this earth now. And you know what? A big chunk of them are old enough to put you down and ignore your true worth.
Why the fuck are you doing it to yourself? Everybody else is going to do it for you. You don't need to. You can take a break.
On top of that, why do people try to make other people do it to themselves?
For someone who loathes most people on this pointless orb, I have a hell of a lot of patience for people. Some days I have close to zero. Some days I am that person in the supermarket who loudly and tiredly says "oh, that's ok, just stand in the way of everybody."
Most days I try so damn hard to be patient and understanding. Most days I end up wondering why I bothered!
There are too many people who think it's ok to criticise others with false statements but it's not ok for others to criticise them with facts.
Now, sometimes I can be a bit of a bitch. I know that, I'm not stupid, and you know what? I usually make sure to let people know early on. Can't say I didn't warn you!
If I am genuinely being a prize princess knobhead, and someone tells me I am, fine. Well they're not wrong are they?
However, when someone goes out of their way to make people think I did something when I didn't, that I'm something I'm not, that's when I get really pissed off.
What is your problem that you have to try and drag somebody down with lies? Do you feel pleased with yourself afterwards? Did you achieve what you had in mind?
I've seen so much of this go on. It started more in highschool, and it seems like the highschool social environment sticks around from then on.
Calling a virgin girl "frigid" and making crude comments towards her to do with sexual things. Telling her that you're going to get your guy friends to come show her a good time, that they'll "fix" her. Wtf is wrong with you? Why do you need to say things like that?
I stood up for the girl and got called frigid too. I didn't care, but I saw she did, and she even apologised to me for them having a go at me. Like it was her fault. It wasn't.
Calling someone a bitch and saying they spread rumours, or that they said blah about whatever person -you do this solely to get others to give them crap. You do it with the intent of bringing them down.
Why? Is that really going to make anything better?
I bet just reading this you've thought of several situations that were similar.
So if there are all those people out there that are keen to do it, and you don't like it when they do it, why is it ok for you to do it to yourself?
My life, my body, and my mind have never gone by the book.
Trying to be somebody you're really not for someone is tiring isn't it? Constantly trying to please my relatives emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted me. While I had largely stopped trying because I knew things weren't going to change, there was still a part of me that hoped that maybe one day they would change. That they would praise me for what I've achieved. Recognise all the things I've done.
Until recently.
There's a difference between knowing and thinking/feeling things.
I knew they would never change. But I thought that maybe one day they would.
I had to stop listening to my thoughts, putting a good or bad label on them, and I had to start listening to what I know, and reeling the thoughts in as just thoughts.
It's not something that will just change overnight. And it's not something that will be ...completely different either (in my experience anyway). I used to self harm. I used to be suicidal. Even now sometimes I do think so many things would be easier if I just weren't here, if I just didn't have to deal with them.
But you know what? Thinking that isn't a bad thing. It's not a bad thought. It's not a good thought. It's just a thought.
Now what about your thoughts? Do you think you're fat? Ugly? Stupid? Weird? That nobody will love you? That you're not good enough?
You probably *know* you're not any of those things deep down.
I, myself, am fat, and I'm actually ok with it. I am healthy though -by that I mean that I eat healthy food and my weight does not affect my health negatively- and that's good enough for me!
When I was a kid my father used to say to (yell things at) me like "don't you want to change to make people like you?! Don't the other kids at school bully you?! Don't they call you fat?!"
In fact, no, they didn't. I can only recall one time I was properly bullied when I was about eleven. Bullied at school that is. It was quite common for me to be bullied within my "family".
My father was the negative voice in my life. The voice trying to bring me down. Once I got him out of my life, I felt so much better.
He and his voice and attitude were very real. Your negative voice is real too -but in a different way.
Just because it's inside you instead of outside doesn't mean you can't get rid of it. Your negative voice came from somewhere. From something or someone. From who? From what? From where? And why?
Once you figure out those things it'll be much easier to deal with. You will have to focus more on what you know about it. That person -what did they ever do for you anyway really? Is it really good to keep this ideal?
And don't just say "I don't know". You're selling yourself short again. Really think about it. You may not realise at first. It may take some time to get to the bottom of it. But as long as you keep digging, you can find the answer, and over time you can subdue that negative voice living rent free in your head.
I think I'm awesome, and if you don't, that is not my problem. You're missing out on all the awesome that is me! Yeah, sometimes you have to put up with a bit of what the hell, but I reckon it's worth it!
You are beautiful, you are smart, you are "good enough", and there are people out there who love you!
Don't let anybody or yourself tell you otherwise!
~^_^~
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